The funny thing about change is that it is usually triggered by an event or person. Let's be real, most of the time a person. When the heart feels threatened the mind motivates her to fight harder. Especially for the things you've been putting off and have been complacent with, so yes please, wake the beast.
This is exactly what I need. I moved with great intentions of working out, getting that body I have always wanted and then the Jameson took over. Oh Jameson, I do love you, it wasn't just Jameson. Jameson had friends, such as, mezcal, and clubs, and tequila entered back into my life. The hole was getting deeper and deeper and I continued trying to justify it with smiles and laughter, but on the inside my light was becoming darker and darker. sleeping until 11am, being angry with myself for not going out and enjoying the beautiful ocean that is now my neighbor.
Of course I wasn't blaming anyone but myself but I also wasn't stopping. I'd stop and start cleansing as if I was sitting in Chicago traffic. All the while maintaining jokes and laughter about the 'fun' I was having. My reflection in the mirror wasn't being stared back at, not even the slightest. I mean I really wasn't even looking at myself! You ever realize how many times in a day you actually take the time to look at yourself in the mirror, your eyes staring at your own soul, through your own eyes. I use to do it and thought it was funny, but now I don't do it at all.
So anyway....
Losing myself in this lifestyle and acting ways that I really disagreed with. In fact, the next day I would wake recalling my ways of the 5 hours before, realizing though that I couldn't take back the actions that had happened the night so recently. Saying I'm sorry and I don't ever do that became to familiar. Don't get me wrong I wasn't torturing myself or others but I have just behaved in ways that are not like the 'real me'.
I called one of my best friends and said I have to slow down on drinking! His reply "mmmmhmmmm" The funny thing is that my best friends know me so well that, they would hint at my ways of being but no one was telling me to stop or slow down. I guess hitting your own wall is necessary in taking the action it requires to bring on the change.
I am ready for the change.